14/11/2014

It was about time to start blogging again! I know I'm the worst and I don't even have any good reason except I didn't have any motivation to do anything at all (even waking up in the morning was sometimes hard). I wasn't in a very good place for quite some time.

Both October and November were awfull, I was pretty much alone the whole time, I haven't really heard from my friends. I began to think I'm becoming one of those old ladies who have no family or friends and die alone with 27 cats.

It's not that I have no friends, it's just that I push everyone away when it gets bad. And the thought about turning 21 made everything so much worse. When you turn 20, you feel like you should have figured out everything. People keep asking me ''What do you wanna do in your life?'' and not having an answer to this question makes me wanna hide under the blanket and cry my eyes out. I don't know. All I know is that I want to learn how to live, how not to be afraid of what the next day will bring, but start thinking about what can I do to make the best out of it. It's not about what you're doing, it's about how you're doing. As long as it makes you HAPPY, this is all that matters.

Soooo, my birtday was coming and I decided to do something for myself.
And so I did.

I decided to do things I like doing and try to think positive. At least try to go out of bed. Enjoy life a little. Try to find happines anywhere. Try to find something good, worth living for. So I started making some babysteps. Going for a relaxing walk in the morning, sipping on my black tea and listening to some classical music (it really is very calming), read a positive book, light a candle, see someone I love or at least stop for a minute and admire this time of the year, how the leaves change their colour to reddish-yellow. Just try to appreciate the small things in life. Stop isolating myself from people who care about me and be open to accept some help. I'm not able to talk about my problems very well, so when I'm having some rough time, I become numb and spend 24/7 in my room, ignoring all the phone calls. It's a neverending circle. But this has to stop and I really am working on it.

My birthday actually started a bit early - 11/11 when I met for a coffee with Svit. We were just talking when he said ''It's your birthday in three days!'' I was so surprised, like woooah, you remembered?! But the next second I said ''Just please don't get me anything!'' ( I said this to everyone because I find this way too nice and I'm afraid that I can't express my gratitude enough). But then he pulled something out of his bag. It was a present, wrapped in a beautiful silver paper (I love silver!) and when I saw it, I stopped breathing. I wasn't expecting anything, so I really wasn't prepared for what followed.

I needed to take some deep breaths before I opened the presents. And when I did, I couldn't belive my own eyes.

I got the most beautiful chocolate box, it says Diva on the front and the candy leaves gold glitter on your lips when you eat it and it tastes like liquor, I was like ''you know me so wel!'' :D

Just when I thought it couldn't get any better, I opened the second present. And boy oh boy, was I wrong. It was a perfume! But not just any perfume, it was my all time favourite perfume - Forever and ever Dior!

It was one of the nicest things ever so of course I cried like a baby. I was this close to scream from happiness. Not just because I got the presents, but because it really was from the heart from someone I really like. Someone put the effort and really thought about what I like and I think this really is priceless.

 

When we said goodbye I went to the park for some time, I just sat there, still trying to figure out what just happened and appreciate this moment, this day and just try to convince myself that life really is beautiful when you let the right people in.

 

Friday, 14/11/2014 - Happy Birthday!

The day before my birthday I decided that I'll try my best to stay positive and do some tiny things that all together make my day enjoyable and less anxious. So good breakfast was a must for a nice start of the day. I woke up at 7am, I had no idea what to expect from this day, I also had no plans. Being so isolated from everyone for almost two months I wasn't expecting anything.

I didn't wanna be home alone, so I went to my dads house to see my cat. (am I becoming the old catlady?) I also went to my grandparents (only pets and old people are home in the morning).

Grandpa made me a very good coffee, we talked for quite some time and I felt really happy (good breakfast + good coffee + nice conversation is a great combo).

 

My day really got better when one my of best friends came to see me! And from then it just kept getting better and better. It was Dominika of course and just seeing her makes me soooo happy (and the story about the candle and how she got here is soooo funny), her gift is so precious (but too personal to share), it made me cry from happiness as well when I took the time to see it.

I haven't seen her for so long and we had some girl talk untill the bell rang and we were like ''who the hell could be that?!'' I wasn't expecting anyone else so when I came downstairs I saw my other two very good friends - Alen and Lea. I know both of them for years and they brought two cakes and a red wine (it was delicious by the way) and I felt so happy, after all that isolation from friends, there they were all three of them in my living room, I couldn't belive they came to see me and wish me happy birthday, it's safe to say that this was one of the best birthdays so far.

 

Even my mom surprised me with a present when I told her not to buy me anything. :)

Well it was friday, I was with my friends in my living room and we already had one bottle of wine. I wasn't planning to go out, but there was absolutelly no reason not to go.

  

I'm sorry that we didn't take enough pictures. Of course noone was thinking about the blog post, we just had some drinks, laughed a lot, there was also a lot of singing! Of course there were also Alen, Lea and Svit, and a bit later we met Nika and Nika (both of them are so lovely and friendly!)

15/11/2014 - The day after

 It was a chill morning, all I did was watch Spongebob and hang on the internet. Once again, thank you all on Ask.fm for all the lovely messages!

 

 I get so excited when it comes to food! So ''celebrating'' my birthday in Cantina Mexicana was the highlight of the day. :D

 

 

The food wad delicious as always! Me and mom usually split one serving (they are really big!) and my brothers had their own serving (they couldn't finish it of course.)

 

This is how my brother takes pictures of me: ''Be a bear! Now be a ladybug!'' Obviously I fail at both being terribly unphotogenic.

 ''Be a tree.'' ''Act like a drama queen.''

These pictures cracked me up. My brother looks like a giant furball. 

 

I'm honestly so grateful for everyone who made my birthday so special, thank you all so much for making me feel so much better than I used to, I will keep trying to get better and think positive and having such good friends around me will only make it easier for me. Thank you all so much! <3